Dinner: Bières et Compagnie
Bières et Compagnie, 4350 St-Denis, (514) 844-0394


Ok, alright, I'm updating this. What's more, I'm backdating, so some of you who did not diligently check this site will never know for how long I didn't update it. In fact, maybe I never stopped...ahahahahaha!

Okay. It's another little known fact that I turned 32 this week. Today, December 16th, 2005, is not my birthday. However, today, December 16th, 2005, is the day upon which I met some school friends for dinner at Bières et Compagnie.

Actually, this was a joint birthday dinner for myself, Nicole and Amy. We are all long suffering students in the department of Political Science at McGill University. Most of us took time out from an inordinately huge amount of grading to be there. However, I'm about to leave those suckers to suffer on their own!!! I hand in my thesis in February!! I mean...heh, heh...it's great there and happy birthday to them...

Here is the gang attempting to lose their sorrows in beer:



Ok, so there's no beer yet, but trust me, people had beer later on. Unfortunately, I don't drink beer so I can't review that part of the menu. This is bad because half the point of the restaurant is to have beer off of their beer menu, which is as thick as the novel "Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell." So, if anyone who was present at the party wants to email me their beer review, I'll be happy to guest post it.

The other point of the restaurant is to have mussels. Now that, I did have. Recently, I've come to acknowledge that I love mussels like other people apparently love drugs. However, mussels are good for you and drugs are not, so I'm ahead of the game.

They have over 30 kinds of "moules et frites" on the menu, so it took me quite a while to decide. I was deadlocked between the Ardennoise, the Bourguignon and the Carignan. After conferring with the very friendly waitress, I decided to go with the Carignan. This is a pot of mussels made with wine, bacon, shallots and goat cheese. Here it is:

And, of course, the dish comes with fries. Along with the fries you get a choice of mayonnaise, I chose "Indienne."


What you see there on top of the fries is a couple of chips. I like it when restaurants do this - add a little something, I mean. It makes for a nice surprise. Chips aren't that big of a deal, but it's cool to get a little something extra with you go out.

The mussels were fantastic. So much so that I have been craving them ever since. The dish takes pretty much like the mussels that I usually make at home with white wine, butter and shallots. Except, the bacon adds a nice saltiness and the goat cheese, which is just dollopped on top, adds a weird surprise taste to the dish. And by weird I mean, something good that right now I don't have the vocabulary to describe because I'm a tad tired and I have to pick up my laundry in about three minutes.

The waitress told me that the Carignan is one of their top 5 mussels dishes. And, I found out that some site called "100 meilleurs restaurants" (see link to the right) thinks that Bières et Compagnie is one of the top 100 restaurants in Montreal. So, I figure that I've sampled one of the top dishes in the city. Yay me!

Okay, I know that I jumped right into the main meal here, but I told you, I LOVE mussels. I also had an entrée of three kinds of breaded cheese with salad.



Note: the cheese didn't come all cut up like that. I just wanted to share the cheese with my friends and forgot to take the picture when it was first served, all pristine like. Sorry.

Frankly, the three types of cheeses all tasted the same. They were dry cheeses that should have had more of a bite to them, but didn't. However, the tomatoes and cucumbers were very fresh and tasty.

Of course, they did the ol' happy birthday and here's a free piece of cake trick:

Nicole took that picture. I don't know if the angle is a result of being artistic or being drunk. You be the judge.

So...yeah, I liked the ambiance at Bières et Compagnie. It was a small to medium-sized restaurant in which people were smoking except that you barely noticed it because they had excellent ventilation. I appreciate that. May 31, 2006, you b*tches...May 21, 2006. That's all I have to say.

Three 3/4 stars.

Kisses,
Laurelle

Dinner: Reubens Deli
Reubens Delicatessen, 888 Ste-Catherine West (514) 861-1255

See...I'm the first person to extoll the virtues of Montreal's culinary delights, but the truth is that downtown - centre-ville, McGill/Ste-Catherine - right in the heart of Montreal, sometimes there's nothing. That little core is filled with malls connecting to the underground city which is cool when you're both cold and hungry, but when you want to sit down to a nice meal a shawarma at Basha in the food court just doesn't cut it.

Cut to myself and Depeche Mode (my friend, not the band): we had just finished a bout of coffee n' conversation and we were feeling a little peckish. It's always difficult when you're right downtown and you're looking for a good meal. I mean, there are a couple of good places but they're super posh. We wanted a down-to-earth experience, only with good food. Alas, we had pretty much decided that we wouldn't find a great meal and so we just settled for the "sit down" part. We settled on Reubens Deli, because at least we knew we could get a decent smoked meat.

Reubens used to look like more of a deli back in the day, but they renovated it and now it kind of looks like a quasi-posh deli steakhouse. We entered the restaurant only to be greeted by a succinctly dressed young man you guided us to a table in the smoking section. After we finished being horrified, we were reseated in the non-smoking section and we began to peruse the menu.

Okay, the menu looked really good. It was filled with appetizers whose descriptions evoked mouthwatering images. The descriptions also sounded like the portions were really big. Now, I can eat but I am not a glutton and neither is Depeche Mode. After some deliberation, including whether or not we should split an appetizer, we decided only to select a main dish each. The menu featured all sorts of smoked meat sandwiches, traditional deli sandwiches, various cuts of steak and burgers with fries. I chose the Rocky Top Chicken. This is what they brought me.

Rocky Top Chicken is chicken in Jack Daniels barbecue sauce on a bed of mashed potatoes and sprinkled quite heavily with corn, cheese, sprigs of something green and actual strips of bacon. I hate it when this happens because I really should destroy more restaurants with my scathing words, but I really loved this dish. The mashed potatoes were so creamy and nice. The bacon was crisp and not greasy. I love bacon, but I NEVER make it at home. And, while I hate Jack Daniels the whisky, I love Jack Daniels the sauce. The chicken was juicy in a way that didn't make me think that it was raw, so that was a nice surprise. I have to admit that between going the first time and writing this review I've already gone back and had the dish a second time. So really, this review is an amalgamation of both those nights. Both those nights also included Depeche Mode (my friend, not the band...geez...)

Well, after having cleaned my plate, I wanted dessert but I really didn't have much room for it. I asked the waiter about the portion sizes and he assured me that the carrot cake was a modestly sized dessert. Yeah, right. Here it is.

You call this modest? I had one quarter of the cake in the restaurant and the rest the next night at home. What do these people think is large? The crusty top is composed of sugury pecans. I really need to learn how to make a good carrot cake. I make an excellent cheesecake. In fact, I just made one tonight with a cranberry topping in celebration of American Thanksgiving. Depeche Mode's husband is American and his son is coming up for the holiday. I've been invited to partake in the festivities. But I digress...

If you're stuck downtown and you want a decent meal, I suppose Reuben's isn't so bad. Look at how happy I look! Obviously, I ate well:

I even made it my new profile pic! I give Reuben's a modestly-sized three stars.







Kisses,
Laurelle

Brunch: Senzala on Bernard
Senzala, 177 Bernard W (514) 274-1464

I'm back people! After a two week bout with the flu, I'm back to being out and about and indulging in my favourite meal of the day: brunch!

Depeche Mode (my friend, not the band) and I are organizing a political conference (target 2008) that is sure to knock the socks off everyone and we decided to have a little brainstorming session at her place to get the concepts down on paper. Ahem, Depeche Mode lives down the street from a lovely little Brazilian place called Senzala.

Yup, I've been to brunch and dinner at Senzala before, but not since engaging in a little mutual mastication with all of you, so here we go with the review. (Hey, I'm a poet and I don't know it!)

There are two Senzalas, by the way. There is one near Parc Lafontaine and there is the one we go to since I think it's the better one. The Senzala on Bernard is the original Senzala that is so small that there is always a line up to get in. Of course, there are plenty of small places filled with tumbleweed so it goes without saying that the food at Senzala is great.

Despite the line, we didn't have to wait very long to get seated. That's because Depeche Mode got there before me and secured our place in line. Hey, she lives down the street and I got held up at multiple points along my travel route by the Santa Claus parade that had infested Ste-Catherine Street (I kid! I loooooove Christmas, for me to poop on!)

The staff is very, very friendly at Senzala. It's a very homey place. Nobody really looks Brazilian to my eye, but I hear a lot of employees speaking Portuguese, so I guess it's authentically Brazilian. Who cares? They serve a scrumptious brunch.

The big brunch gimmick at Senzala is they offer a series of eggs benedict dishes modified to be more Brazilian. I'm sorry, but the only one I can tell you about is the Tropicana. The Tropicana features two poached eggs in a tomato and cheese sauce, each in its own avocado half. The dish comes with home potatoes, plaintain, a choice of bacon, ham or sausage and a ton of fruit - grapefruit and orange wedges along with a brochette of grilled fruit. God, I'm starving. I could really have it right now. That picture is driving me crazy. I guess I shouldn't write reviews while I'm hungry.

The juice and coffee come free with the meal. The entire thing cost me $8.95 plus tax and tip. God, I'm hungry. I have to cut this short. I've got to go eat something. 4 stars.

Kisses,
Laurelle

Update: Juliette et Chocolat

Okay people. I had to go back for another crepe and a shot of chocolate. This time, I gathered a little more information for you in the visual sense. Again, I went with Tracey and Yan Yan, who are two of the greatest females on Earth.

I'll be brief with this one, I'll only focus on the chocolate.

First, I had another buckwheat crepe. This time I had the ham, pesto and gruyère.










And here is a shot of the Juliette et Chocolat salad that both Tracey and Yan Yan had:










Now, the glorious chocolate bar. As I've already said, there are a variety of liquidy, decadent chocolates to be had at Juliette et Chocolat. You have the classic shots: Bitter, Semi-Sweet, Milk, etc. Then you have some more exotic types exhibiting distinct flavours. They are indicative of types of cocoa mainly from South America and the Caribbean. For my first shot, I went with the classic semi-sweet type. They bring you the chocolate in a small, white ceramic pot that would normally hold cream, or even tea. There is more than enough for two shots and so you and a friend could order two different ones and share the experiences. What a treat - it is great for dessert because you get the sweetness without the heavy, cakey feeling. I'm feeling unimaginative tonight so I'll just say this tasted exactly like liquid chocolate. Look. What do you want from me. It's late, I just graded a bunch of exams and I'm considering whether I have the energy to make a cheescake flavoured with a ground cherry coulis. Cut me some slack.

Kisses,
Laurelle

Brunch: La Sala Rosa
La Sala Rosa, 4848 boul. St-Laurent (514)844-4227

So I've got these two friends, Tracey and Yan Yan. We all met a few ago in a summer session course called the Philosophy of Law at McGill University. The course was amazing and years later when I run into people who took the class with me we reminisce about how stimulating, rewarding, participatory and how non-McGill it was. It was truly a blessed experience. Ahem, let me clarify, Tracey taught the course and Yan Yan and I took the course. But really, it was a great experience which is obviously part of why both Yan Yan and I like to hang out with Tracey to this day.

So, recently there have been some changes for the non-me parts of this threesome. Yan Yan just graduated from McGill and as of this writing (and this was not written on the date posted) she lived in England. Tracey finally handed in her doctoral dissertation and shortly should be awarded her PhD. Yay for them! So, being that this was one of the last opportunities for us all to hang out together, we decided to meet for brunch.

We have met for dinner frequently, but rarely for brunch, so this was a novelty for us. Tracey suggested that we convene at La Sala Rosa, not to be confused with La Sala Rossa, a concert hall located pretty much in the same building. Yeah, very creative name-giving, I know. La Sala Rosa is located on upper St-Laurent, not to far above Mont-Royal and near my beloved brunch haven, Savannah. It is also located near a totally cool store called Preloved. Preloved recycles clothes , both old and new, into other clothes. For example, I have my eye on a strapless dress made out of a typical London Fog beige trenchcoat. The way they make the clothes is such that the elements of the trenchcoat are still there - buckles, London Fog tag, loop holes, flaps and all. You'd have to see it, or, I could have taken a picture. I'm so thoughtless, sorry.

What am I saying, this is about La Sala Rosa, let's get back on track. So, long story short, we caught up and got down to the eating. I started out with some grapefruit juice. Usually, I have a coffee but this time I needed something a little more vitamin-infused since I was feeling "like that." You know what I'm saying - not all there, a little groggy and you need some good-hearted goodness to give you a boost, 'cause, uh, I don't do drugs to pick me up. The juice was very good. Obviously, it was freshly pressed since the seeds were still floating around in it. That's very natural of them to leave the seeds in there, but while I seriously enjoy the pulp in my juice, I'm not much for avoiding the seeds. I'm just saying, the juice was great but they could have helped me out by removing the seeds so that I could enjoy my juice even more rather than discreetly removing them from my mouth. Maybe that's just me though. I think because La Sala Rosa has a rustic feel, which I like, they try to make things appear as homemade as they possibly can.

La Sala Rosa has a nice little spanish-homestyle-themed menu going on. Each of us ordered a different dish.

I ordered the omelette with chorizo sausage.









Tracey ordered the buckwheat crepes.









Yan Yan ordered the latkas.









Although I only comment upon what I order, let me say that Yan Yan's latkas came with two sauces - sour cream and a pear, raspberry and ginger compote. I think that's pretty cool, no? That's all I'll say about that.

My meal was good, but I have to say it was pretty normal, which goes along with the homestyle motif. By normal I mean that I feel that I have the skills to make this dish on my own with no problems whatsoever. Maybe that says more about my skills as a cook than their skills as professionals (I have improved my culinary abilities lately), but even so, I think that it was a pretty regular meal. That's not to say that it wasn't a tasty meal. The eggs weren't overcooked nor were they undercooked. It was a well-made omelette that tasted simply like an omelette - no extra surprise but no disappointment. The bread was wonderful - look at the picture, it was very thick, crusty and substantial. I'd also say that they very appropriately went light on the potatoes. Usually restaurants overload you on the starches - particularly fries or potatoes - leaving you with a too full feeling. Normally, when I have brunch I can't eat anything else for the day - maybe a small snack during the late evening to top me up. After this meal, I was able to carry on normally with my eating schedule.

What can I say, at La Sala Rosa I felt at home, literally. Two and a half stars.

Love and Kisses,
Laurelle

Dinner: Juliette et Chocolat
Juliette et Chocolat, 1615 St-Denis (514)287-3555

Don't we look spooky with blurred out eyes? That's why I do it: spookyvision!

Last night I went out with La Française for a bite to eat. She had a ton of things to tell me and I had a professor to complain about, so, things worked out just fine. We decided to meet outside Place des Arts metro. Of course, I was about 15 minutes late. Sorry, Française, I didn't mean to make you wait. Obviously, the whole time she had been thinking about where we should go. So, as soon as I barrelled up to her in a frenzy of apology, she waited for me to catch my breath and say "Hey, why don't we walk over to that place I told you about - Juliette et Chocolat." Certainly, I was in to position to object. Not that I wanted to. A few months ago La Française had gone out for lunch with a friend, also from France. They went to Juliette et Chocolat and she came back raving about these crêpes au sarrasin that I just had to taste.

So, off we went and fifteen minutes and a world of information later, we arrived at a small, quaint, fruitfully decorated, whimsical basement café.

Have you ever seen the movie Chocolat where Juliette Binoche is a young woman who heats up the town with her thick, creamy, decadent chocolate brew spiced with chili powder? Well, if Mme. Binoche lived in Montreal this would be her shop.

The place was filled with young people who looked decidely unromantically involved. It should have been filled with young people who were undeniably sexually involved and looking for some kind of torturous delay tactic. But, who am I to talk, I was there with La Française who, while beautiful, is frankly the wrong gender for me. Anyway, she's seeing someone.

The menu is 90% chocolate and other sugary decadences, 10% savory crêpes. Since we were attempting to have a dinner of some sort, we started with the savory crêpes. The decadences I'll get to later.

Ok, wait. Let me just say this. They have a bar au chocolate, which you'll be surprised to know is a chocolate shooter bar. They serve you different kinds of liquid chocolate in manageable shot glass portions - bitter, semi-sweet, milk, chocolates stemming from different areas like Trinidad and chocolate flavoured with orange and other flavours.

Now, the crêpes are all made of buckwheat flour. You can have them topped with your choice of pestos, a variety of cheeses, asparagus and other vegetables. I chose the épinard, which came topped with spinach, an egg, ham and gruyère cheese. La Française went for a pesto of nuts and cheese, along with extra goat cheese. Overall, I was pleased with my dish. However, the crêpes was ever so slightly overcooked. The edges were just a little crispier than they should have been. The filling was excellent - particularly the egg, which I had asked be well done, rather than runny. Whoever cooked it has great timing. It looked like it would have been runny, but it wasn't and I cut it right away so it hadn't had time to settle. I have it on good authority that La Française enjoyed her crêpe, but that the combination of cheese upon cheese was a little too creamy for her tastes.

The crêpes, while filling, weren't so much so that you couldn't have dessert. Or maybe it's just a case of refusing to leave without sampling the chocolate. It seems that there were more patrons than menus, so after several minutes of looking around hopefully a waitress (who seemed to be Juliette herself) arrived apologetically commenting that "oui, je vous ai vu - vous voulez un dessert, non?" Yes.

The dessert menu, as I've said, is vast. There are sweet crêpes, there are cakes, there are chocolate candies, there are chocolate shooters. Unable to control ourselves, we both opted for the chocolat fondant. If you don't know what that is, then God help you. Fine, I'll just tell you. Usually, it is a rich, moist chocolate cake with a "melting" interior of liquid chocolate. This one was reversed - a rich chocolate cake draped in a wonderful curtain of chocolate balanced by a scoop of hazelnut ice cream. The moistness of the cake was wonderful. The texture just melted in your mouth. The chocolate sauce was slightly sweet and tasted best with an accompanying mouthful of the ice cream.

Men, and I'm talking to the men because lesbians already should know this, getting women drunk is pointless. If you're looking to arouse artificial interest in your date, your best bet is to ply her with liquid chocolate. Trust me. If you "get lucky" with a drunk woman who otherwise would not be interested, then you've taken advantage of her to an extent. If you take the same, mildly disinterested woman for chocolate shooters, she will take advantage of you. Chocolat puts ideas in a woman's head.

Okay, so the service was friendly if at times hurried. The food was mostly good and the chocolate was decadent (the buzz word of this review). I'll give it 3 stars - but the rating could rise once I try the shooters.

Kisses,
Laurelle

Dinner: Café Vasco da Gama

Café Vasco da Gama, 1472 Peel (514) 286-2688

Met up with my good friend Depeche Mode this evening. DM went to a science fiction convention in Toronto this weekend and so I was anxious to hear all about it. Let's get that out of the way. She said that the sci fi convention was a snooze but that Toronto isn't as bad as it used to be. There's at least some good shopping around Queen/Kensington. Kidding, Torontonians! Someone's got to keep the feud going at a healthy pace.

Anyway, there are two related restaurants at which I have always meant to eat: Café Ferreira and Café Vasco da Gama. In case you were unable to pick it up, those are Portuguese restaurants. However, these ones are quite high end. Montreal isn't a bad place to get Portuguese food since there is a healthy Portuguese community here. On the other hand, run like the wind if someone suggests Mexican.

Tonight, we opted for Café Vasco da Gama since we wanted to keep our expenditures relatively low. Yeah, McDonald's would have been cheaper but...ughhh...I'm not finishing that sentence. I can't believe I even said that in jest. So, Café Ferreira isn't really a café. It is a restaurant that seems to cater to a young business crowd. Vasco da Gama, however, caters to the "I want a snack and I want it to both taste good and look good" crowd.

The first thing that I noticed about this place is the staff are very friendly. I like friendly staff. When I buy something, I like to have a mini conversation with the people who have sold me whatever it is that I have bought. It can't hurt to exchange a few pleasantries. It makes things nicer for everyone and lets you maintain the view that people are, in general, very nice.

We selected a couple of tables away from the window near the cash. Outwardly, we did this absentmindedly but subconsciously I think we did that for two reasons: (1) we could see the food from our seats and (2) we would be away from people smoking in the street. The seating was nice, but a tad uncomfortable as the non-bench seating consisted of low plush stools. It was stylish but not very practical.

Vasco da Gama is like any café in that you've got to look at the display and choose your food. However, they will bring your selections to your table. The display case was filled with all kinds of portuguese-inspired sandwiches" chorizo, cochon de lait, tuna burgers and the like. They also had a tapas menu, which I definitely have to try the next time I am there. There are also desserts, appetizers and, well, let me just get right into what I ordered.

To start, I opted for two cod cakes (bacalhau). Cod cakes are a popular Portuguese starter. They are also a popular breakfast dish in Caribbean culture. If I go for Portuguese, I usually have the cod cakes since I love them but I am too lazy to make them at home. Although I enjoyed Vasco da Gama's cod cakes, I usually like them to taste a little more like salted cod. These were very inoffensive if you know what I mean. Nice presentation though.


For the main meal I chose a sandwich of lamb confit with caramelized onions and mint. The sandwiches come with a soup or a salad so I opted for the soup, which was a thick zucchini and apple purée. It sounded too good to pass up and the weather in Montreal was nippy today. The sandwich was very good, but the soup was excellent. I love a sandwich that combines sweet with salty. I didn't notice much of a mint taste, but I'd definitely order this sandwich again. The soup was absolutely delicious. I love a good, thick purée of vegetable soup - especially squash or sweet potato-based ones. The zucchini base works very well and I guess the apple takes some of the bitter taste out of the soup. The end result was a soothing taste that had some bite to it.

Next, they brought dessert. I selected the crème caramel in porto sauce. I have to confess something to you. I have an aversion to jiggly food or food that is soft bubble-like. I don't like jello, tapioca or roe, for example. However, I always get tempted by things like flan/crème caramel. It just looks good. Sometimes my desire for crème caramel ends up with me gagging on a disgustingly jiggly piece of dessert flesh. Sometimes the crème caramel goes down smooth as though I were never afflicted with this strange, throat-closing aversion. Luckily, Vasco da Gama's crème caramel passed the throat test. The dessert went down like any self-respecting dessert should.

Well, we sat there in the café for a pretty long time chatting about life, love, music and politics while sipping on our respective earl grey teas - mine with raw sugar, hers with sugar and cream. No one bothered us, the atmosphere was pleasant, the patrons were polite and respectful and the decor was resplendent in all its Luso-fusion goodness.

Vasco da Gama caters. They'll do it for a minimum of six people. I think I may take advantage of that service one day as the prices aren't too steep.

All in all, a decent place. It's a place to stop in for about a half-hour, longer if you get bench seating. They serve alcohol, so a quick drink after work or a short conversation over espresso is a good bet. I say three and a half stars - good food, but the environment could be more inviting.

Love and Kisses,
Laurelle

Dinner: Area
Restaurant Area, 1429, rue Amherst (514) 890-6691

Sabrina Sextina and I decided that it was high time that we went out and showed the world what fabulously sophisticated, fantastically dressed, gastronomically knowledgeable young chickadees we are. Really, we're a couple of closet nerds, but you couldn't tell by looking at us. Oh yeah, Ms. Sextina came by the other day and left me a pile of computer games and old Ranma episodes. She and I visited a Warhammer store the other day. We sat up late one night playing one of those Japanese games of logic that gets distributed around the Internet. But yeah, you'd never know it by the thoroughly salope-y way that we dress.

So, Sextina and St. Laurent decided that we deserved a night out on the town in all of our glory and we set about selecting a restaurant at which to shove our total fabulousness into everybody's face.

Serves us right for projecting our narcissistic sides into the cosmos. People, welcome to a bad review.

After drooling and drooling over the picture to the left (vegetarians and vegans, shut your eyes) we decided to go to Area for dinner. Look at the picture people! Look at it! That cut of meat looks so succulent! I can taste it, even knowing that I had a crap time at this restaurant. Look at that bone. Aren't you dying to such the marrow from that thing?

So, after browsing the website we selected our preferred dishes in advance, plus alternates, and headed off to Area.

Now, I'm sure many of you know what is about to follow. First, let me start with our arrival.

Area is located on Amherst, a few steps from Beaudry metro and just north of Ste-Catherine. You can see right into the restaurant from the street and the layout is such that on one side of the door there is a table and on the other side is the reception area. This is all scaled very small. Ironically, there is not much area. We arrived at about the same time as a middle-aged couple. They just edged in front of us and presented themselves to the host. We could see from the street that the restaurant was packed, with two empty tables-for-two remaining. The couple in front of us did not seem to have made reservations. We had made reservations. However, the host did not ask us about our reservations. Instead he gave us the "just one minute" sign. Hmm. He didn't ask us if we had a reservation. As it was, the couple barely let us into the reception area, so we were only half through the door when he gave us the sign. I'd love to wait, comfortably, on the seating. However, Mr. No Reservation is blocking the door. A polite "please sir, could you allow these ladies to enter" would have sufficed. The host came back and announced to the couple: Ah! You are lucky. We have only one free table. He then proceeded to seat the reservationless couple at the table that we would have preferred. Hmmm. Finally, he greeted us. Yes, we have the reservation, follow me.

He seated us right at the window, fully visible from the street and completely isolated from the rest of the restaurant. Quite a feat given the smallness of the entire space. This seat would have been perfect for a couple, much like the reservationless couple that had been seated before us. For two young girls showing off their moxie, not so good. Sometimes, it is nice to interact with the street, but not when that street is dead. This was, after all, Amherst, not Ste-Catherine. We did see an absolutely adorable bear/twink couple walk by though. Awwww.

We decided to make the best of our location. Except, our table was directly over an air conditioning vent. That and we had a great view of the scariest cactus plant that seemed to be trying to escape the restaurant. It was quite a warning.

At first, Sabrina sat over the offending vent (for which the staff apologized). She immediately began to sniffle. Ms. Sextina isn't good with manufactured air. I, however, can handle it so we switched seats and I donned by jacket thus covering my magnificently indecent "shirt." Eventually they covered the vent with a menu. Classy. Whatever. Just bring us some food. We were RAVENOUS.

At the table they had some fleur de sel, which we both tasted. I'm not a salt connaisseur, but I appreciate a nice fleur de sel so that was a cute touch. They brought us some bread, thank God, but no plates. Since we were starving, we just grabbed some bread, slathered it with butter and chowed down. That little hint didn't encourage anyone to bring us some side plates. Our waitress did, however, bring us a little surprise, an amuse-bouche of satay de veau. At least that's what I think she said. It was meat on a stick. It was good and we were happy to get it, as hungry as we were. And now we even had plates, so we sopped up the sauce with some more bread and then held on to those coveted plates for dear life. The cactus loomed in the background, pleading for escape.

Now, some of you anticipated this moment. When we looked at the menu, HORRORS, it wasn't the same menu displayed on the web. We went through that arduous selection process for nothing! Dejected, we began the process anew.

And so we come to the part of the meal where the evening went from mediocre to disaster.
The thing to know about Area's menu is that it is 85% appetizers, 5% drinks, 5% dessert and 5% main dishes. Creating a full meal out of this proved to be a difficult task. I settled on 4 oysters, the crevettes décortées in a Madras curry tempura and the gigot d'agneau. Frankly, my meal was okay. Just okay. In the menu, the shrimp dish (crevettes) was supposed to come with 4 shrimp. It came with 3 shrimp. No biggie, I suppose. The gigot d'agneau came medium rare but it was slightly chewy. The dish was lukewarm temperature-wise. Sextina ordered 8 oysters, a lobster flesh dish with tempura flakes and the foie gras poêlé. Her meal was, well, gooooddd, exceeepppttt, the dishes were teeny tiny. Specifically, the $14 lobster dish ended up being much closer to a terrine purée than "pieces of lobster flesh" as the menu had suggested. Her meal, along with one vodka martini, had put her bill thus far at close to $80. And she was still hungry. As was I. Thank God for the bread. We asked for more.

The restaurant, thankfully, is mostly non-smoking. The only place in which one can smoke is the reception area, opposite us, on the other side of the door. The reception area. Where one gets one's first impression of the restaurant. Where one is greeted. Is. Where. People. Smoke. And smoke they did, cigarette after cigarette after cigarette. But hey, we were kept well preserved and aerated by the icy cold vent.

When the embarrassingly small lobster dish was placed in front of her, my dear Sabrina's face fell. And it remained crestfallen until the end, it exuded disappointment as only one could after such a heartbreaking crash. Eighty dollars? To leave hungry? My dishes, though more substantial, amounted to $60 thus far. We finished much the the "meal" in silence until the waitress took the empty dishes away and brought us the dessert menu. I had had my eye on a mouthwatering chocolate dish, but looking at Sabrina I realized that my heart I wasn't in it and neither was hers. This wasn't the night that we had been anticipating for nearly a week. We had to end it before it got any worse. We had to limit the extent of the financial disaster that this meal had proved to be. So, when the waitress came back we politely declined without offer up any kind of plausible excuse. We paid up our bills and exited through a smoke filled haze into the blissfully accepting street. Yes, we had accomplished what that poor cactus had never managed to do. We had escaped that horror of a meal.

Our waitress really was nice though, so we did leave her a kind tip.

Since we really were hungry, we went down the street to Kilo for pecan pie and sugar pie and cappuccino and beer and we smiled laughed and giggled at the amateur night Drag Queen show going on across the street at Sky. The cutest little boy named Steven assured us that the professional show on Fridays was much better. And don't we look just fabulous. He hoped to see us there. Yay! That's why I love the gay village. The men always show up when you are at your worst and make you feel like you are at your best.

So, while I love Kilo and I love the gay village, I do not love Area. If your prices are high, make sure the food is top notch. And filling. And don't let your customers smoke in the reception area. It stinks up the hair of every customer who walks in. And ask your patrons who have reserved a table whether they would like to experience the ambience of the place rather than the deadness of the street.

Two stars. And that's largely based on the wonderful service and sympathetic looks we received from our waitress.

Love and Kisses,
Laurelle